Anonymous asked: So you're not getting a bunny. And you're not working again. What do you do all day. Wait for your boyfriend?
Hi fellow human being, I don’t know you, but you seem really sad. It’s okay, I’m sad too. The way you phrased this message makes me feel like you are getting some enjoyment and maybe a sense of power and control by being anonymous, and I hope it brings a little joy to your day.
I’m not getting a bunny right now, and I’m not working. I’m fighting to stay alive, but I’m not physically ill. I was traumatized when I was a child. My brother passed away when he was 19 and I was 9. He was my only sibling. Then my dad got really sad. He told me all about it when I was 11 years old. Made numerous suicide attempts in my presence and got addicted to heroin. I spent a good amount of time from age 11 to age 18 trying to keep him from dying. Then, when I was 18 he died from liver cancer.
So I got a style blog, posted photos of myself. It was really fun for me for a few years. I didn’t really deal with anything that happened to me. Somehow, I made it through art school. Then, I lost interest in everything I loved. Now, I take a large dose of benzodiazepines every day and try really hard to avoid tall buildings because I always think about how lovely it would be to make the sadness go away.
I walk around in this cloud of anti-anxiety medication and don’t know what’s going on around me half the time, but it keeps me from making impulsive decisions. So, to answer your question, what I do all day is fight to find the will to keep going. And I’m actually doing really well so far because I’m alive.
I hope you find peace in your life.